I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
