Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
