That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
