her vagine was all disorganized.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
