It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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