Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
