If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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