the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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