Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
