You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
