oh god the rape fog is back!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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