let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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