So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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