apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
