You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.