Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
