OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.