If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?