I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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