So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His hands were made for my vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
