Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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