some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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