i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
