my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
