How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
