I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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