remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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