oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
