a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
