apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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