What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
