Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
