I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
