fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
