so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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