literally had 100 drinks last night.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
