Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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