i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
