I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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