They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
