Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
