oh god the rape fog is back!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
