Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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