They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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