So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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