I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
