xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
