I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
