he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
