If i come over, it means nothing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
