dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
