JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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