So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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