Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
