So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
