Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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