You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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