let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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