Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
