mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
