Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
