I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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