I puked a lego.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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