Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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