so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
