I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
