Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
