Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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