I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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