just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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