I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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