I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
