Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
