You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
