I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
