Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
