Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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