I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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