I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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