so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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