I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
