so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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