i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
