it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
