How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
