Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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