im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
